So I wrote an email the other week about the good mother point system you didn't know existed, and I received close to 100 emails back, from other mothers telling me thankyou and how much they loved to hear that they weren't the only ones out their feeling the same way, so I decided to put it into a post as well.
Being a mother is hard, and whoever says it's not, is defiantly kidding themselves. Mothering isnt hard because of the constant looking after, cleaning up, and stressing out ,raising a child is, thats just part of motherhood and I love & embrace that. The hard part is what motherhood has become to society, the way the modern "good mother" labelling has become part of almost every family at one point or another , the judging, the gossiping and the backlash if we don't tick all the good mother merit boxes, points lose! oh and not to forget to also mention if we do tick all those boxes we must be trying super hard!!
The good mother merit system
Work outside the home? Lose points. Have a nanny or send your child to daycare? Lose points. Need to travel for work? Lose points. Work long hours? Lose points. Miss an open day, swimming carnival, concert, dance recital, parent-teacher meeting or sports game? Lose points. Send your kids to before-care or after-care? Lose points. Put your kid in front of a screen so you can have five minutes of peace? Lose points. Close the door when you go to the toilet? Lose points. Feed them a meal that you didnt make from scratch, packed with carbs, sugars and not to mention not gluten free!!Oh Mumma points lost, Send them to camp, art camp or any type of holiday care during the school holidays ? Bad news: you have as many points left as you do annual leave days, which is none. Choose not to breastfeed them until they are 6 months old! Lose points.You raise your child alone and not with their dad.Lose points, Your child isnt already reading before school! Lose points, You don't volunteer at your kids school.Lose points.Your child didn't reach their milestones the same time as your friends kids! Lose points , Your child said a swear word, lose points, You dont spend all day at the beach or park building sandcastles or pushing your child on the swing! Lose points ,You let your child live with more independence and freedom then your friends do with their kids.lose points.Your not an eco friendly, natural living mumma who uses nothing but all natural products, eats organic,dresses your child in linen and doesnt use the word no to your child. Lose points. Have a ton of kids.Lose points You dont leave little notes in your childs lunch box,or create pinterest worthy lunchs that are cut into little faces,that contain nothing but healthy portions of fruit,veg,grains or give them homemade granola bars or a chicken burrito wrap , now the list can go on ,and on ,and on...
But dont forget you can also earn good mother BONUS points
The following ways:
1. Doing tuckshop duty.
2. Being a class parent.
3. Breastfeeding your child for at least six months but not longer than 12 months because then you will lose points for being weird.
4. Taking lunchbox ‘inspiration’ from Pinterest, e.g.: making a lunch that includes depictions of all the main characters in Finding Dory made from raw, organic vegetables.
5. Staying at the birthday party despite the invitation clearly stating ‘drop-off ’ (be aware this could p**soff the birthday child’s parents and they may deduct points from you).
6. Playing with your child all day for as long as they want.
7. Doing every drop-off and pickup yourself instead of after-care.
8. Ferrying your child to multiple after-school activities.
9. Hand-sewing your child’s clothes.
10. Doing craft. Any type. But nature crafts will defiantly get you extra points
11. Teaching your kid to read and write before they start school.
12. Knowing the names of all the other kids – and parents – in your kid’s class.
13. Leaving loving notes in your child’s lunchbox, in words if they can read or hand-drawn illustrations if they can’t.
14. Home-schooling – Now this can win you points and also lose you some depending on who is handing out the merit
15.Having a over the top themed party ,for your baby reveal, baby shower, first birthday, second birthday, third birthday , lets just say for the rest of your childs life.
Spend your days in the kitchen baking everything from scratch, grow a huge organic garden and start canning and prepping.
Start dressing your child in neutral earth colour organic clothing
actually, just start using nothing but natural and organic EVERYTHING!
Become a vegetarian or better yet a vegan, cook nothing but wholesome meals that are social media perfect but depending on who the merit giver is, this could be a win or loss of a demerit.
Do your daughters hair in fancy plates, and neat buns everyday for the rest of her school years.
and this list can go on and on.
A MERIT SYSTEM SHOULD NOT EXIST
Motherhood can become really hard, and exhausting if we try to live up to the expectations society put on our shoulders, alot of the time we unintentionally do it, we see a wild child running barefoot at the park,and think oh gosh who must that childs mother be!! or if your that childs mother your thinking gosh Im defiantly being judged right now and we are kidding ourselves if we all have not one way or another been on either end of the point system, giving out points or losing them, I myself can say, I defiantly don't have any points left in the good mother merit system, Motherhood should not be this exhausting, we should live and raise our children the best WE SEE FIT, without the constant feeling of judgement, and truthfully the most judgement is from us ,mothers! the good mother merit system does not exist in so many cultures around the world ,but it is very imprinted into our mainstream western society parenting ways.
I think its time us mothers should come together, stick together, empower each other , not judge, not deduct merits,support and break free from this way of thinking and realise that just because we don't tick all the good mother merit boxes, does NOT MEAN we are a bad mother, or love our children any less.We are just unique and different and that is 100% okay.
Im just one weird mother who decided to unschool her kids,move them to a island in the middle of the ocean, who walks around mostly barefoot, gives my children autonomy and freedom, whos like 30+ and still hasn't got their drivers license, stays up super late each night,working on my business, because I would rather go to bed at 2 , just so i can spend my days in nature with my kids,Tells my husband he doesnt need to go to work ever again,as I will financially support us while also staying home, trys to grow my own produce but ends up letting half of it go bad,does not believe in brand clothing or expensive things, my wedding ring is like $90 + 2 we found when metal detecting also worth the same ,who does not follow any of the good mother merit system rules,loves opshops and gets excited when finding that hidden treasure for 2 bucks ,loves collecting nature specimens, who turned down a interview for abc news ,for unschooling and BarefootChild, because I dont like the spotlight, Im a Mumma who doesnt give kids bedtimes or strict rules, who would rather a quiet night in, anytime with the family ,Who gets easily distracted by bugs,birds,butterflys mid conversation ,and the list gos on and on , yes Im just one of those weird mothers, but whos judging right 😉
Its time to let go and be that wild mumma you were meant to be, not who someone else wants you to be.
We would love to hear all about you wild Mumma, comment below .
KEEP YOU WILD- BarefootChild
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